All posts filed under: Mali

on upheaval

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A good friend used to console me with the words of her father: The only thing constant is change. There are people who crave change, and others who crave consistency, and then people like me who want both, and neither. If change is on the horizon, I cower in fear; if the status quo is all I see for miles around, I become antsy to the point of agitated. That is to say, i’m not especially adept at riding the Waves of Life. I prefer to be out there on my life raft, hand on one hip in a panic, trying to boss around the tides. As you can imagine, i don’t regularly get my way. Leaving a destructive job is a big step; doing so in a foreign land with no back-up plan is a bit outrageous. Leaving a long-term relationship is a life-changing choice; going solo in a foreign land is, quite, literally, life-altering. Doing both in the space of one week is….let’s call it bold, shall we? Bold seems appropriately kind-spirited. The biggest urge during moments of …

on unions

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I’ve been appreciating unions of all sorts, lately. Union of the self’s many parts—finally, momentarily—into agreement. Re-union with friends and loved ones to celebrate birth, death, enduring loyalties, and good food (Maryland crab, true tacos, Korean BBQ, and the autumnal Brussels sprouts for which I’ve longed going on 2 years). Integration of mind, body, spirit…at least for a few days there, and I’m grateful. Coming together with families of all sorts to celebrate unions of love. A merging of what is and what could be, to—at last—catalyze change and shake things up a bit. Those unions stretch and grow and birth their natural successors in a longer cycle: partition, separation, division. And so it goes, riding the momentum I begin to separate the necessary and the true from what is inessential, extraneous, and damaging: The useless thoughts, the unclean foods, the toxic people, the burden of insecurity. It is the morning after a grand celebration; it is time to clean up, and move forward into daylight. Images from the weddings of: A close colleague, in Bamako, …

what’s to eat #18

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A meal for the ill (that’s me): rice water for rehydration, and comfort food, my favorite Malian dish, although probably not the most rehabilitating: Toukassou, from Timbuktu. Not much to look at, but she’s got flavor for days: chewy, bready balls slathered in a sauce of 14 spices, usually served with long-simmered beef or lamb (although I refrained, considering my flu-ish condition). Recipe at link above. Eaten underneath a traditional Bogolan blanket.

on pride, and being a Fraud Generalist

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There is a kind of pride that comes from recognition–for a job well done, or something you’ve created or produced. it’s exciting, validating, even motivating. But sometimes, in my case, that kind of pride is tainted with self-doubt. I cross my fingers hoping no one notices the cracks in the veneer, or the chips in the paint–the little defects that eat away at a sense of accomplishment. I duck out of the limelight because I figure if anyone got to the bottom of things, they’d realize i’m a Fraud Generalist at Life. It’s hard to take a big bite out of recognition; I’d rather nibble a bit, in case it turns out I don’t actually deserve what’s coming to me. But – but! – there is another sort of pride that is more buoying, and exhilarating: the pride that comes from contributing to someone else’s success. That kind of pride is my favorite, because it involves the ego-once-removed. if you’ve been a part of someone else’s journey to accomplishment, whether setting the stage, plotting the course, pushing (or …

on self knowledge and getting lost on purpose

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I asked them to go out on a limb for me. after 2 months of trainings, many Saturdays crammed into a small room with AC, learning the essentials of how to manage a field team, the final session was upon us. We had reviewed serious topics, we had loosened up with absurd charades,  we had dropped eggs from the roof to build morale. But for this last session, I asked them to forgo their notebooks, have a look inwards, and see what was written there. Early in the day I set up a hasty labyrinth in the courtyard with string, scotch tape, rocks and twigs. During the training, we talked about mindfulness, self-awareness, and the tools of meditation, and I asked for deep breaths and silence. In a wordless shuffle we headed outside, and I asked them to trust me, and to trust the labyrinth’s path. I also asked them to walk it slowly–slower than they imagined was possible. and they did. The thing about self-knowledge is that it’s floating at the surface, just near …